Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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