I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
