Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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