dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i barfeds in our rink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
