Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
