so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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