I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
