We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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