Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
