dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
