So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
