Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
