please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize