the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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