I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize