i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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