i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
