I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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