I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will pee on everything he values.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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