This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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