My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize