Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
