I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
