we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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