She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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