girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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