Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
