Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's blow job season.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
