Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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