I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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