Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
