Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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