You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
