what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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