I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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