Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
