Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
