Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
