i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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