Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
