I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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