i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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