This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
