From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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