Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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