He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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