I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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