I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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