I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
