I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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