I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
