Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
