I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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