i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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