I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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