i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
