My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
