I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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