what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
