I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
