This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
