We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet he comes in French.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
