So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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